No Kids, No Glue

INPUT: write an edgy comedy sketch for an American audience based on an imaginary world where there are no children and how it effect adult relationships, with the premise being that children are the glue that binds and keeps couples together.

Title: Baby Blues

Characters:

  • JACK: a man in his mid-30s who is married to JILL
  • JILL: a woman in her mid-30s who is married to JACK
  • DR. KAREN: a therapist specializing in relationships
  • LUCY: a single friend of Jack and Jill
  • TED: a single friend of Jack and Jill

Setting: A therapist's office.

[The scene opens with JACK and JILL sitting in a therapist's office. They look tense and unhappy.]

DR. KAREN: So, what brings you here today?

JACK: Well, we've been married for six years now, and things aren't going well. We're arguing all the time, and we just can't seem to connect anymore.

JILL: It's like we're living in two separate worlds.

DR. KAREN: I see. Have either of you considered having children?

JACK: That's the thing, doctor. There are no children in our world. They just don't exist.

DR. KAREN: [surprised] I see. And how has that affected your relationship?

JILL: Well, we used to talk about having children all the time. We thought that having kids would bring us closer together and give us a shared purpose.

JACK: Yeah, we always thought that having children was the glue that held relationships together.

DR. KAREN: I understand. But it sounds like you were relying on external factors to keep your relationship together, rather than focusing on each other.

LUCY: [entering the room] Hey, guys! Sorry I'm late.

TED: [following Lucy into the room] Yeah, traffic was a nightmare.

DR. KAREN: [surprised] And who are these two?

JACK: [embarrassed] Oh, these are our friends Lucy and Ted.

LUCY: [smiling] Hi, Dr. Karen. We're here to support our friends.

TED: [nodding] Yeah, we know how tough it can be when you don't have kids.

DR. KAREN: [confused] I'm sorry, you don't have kids either?

LUCY: [laughing] No, there are no kids in this world. Didn't you know?

DR. KAREN: [stunned] I had no idea.

TED: [nodding] Yeah, it's a weird world we live in.

DR. KAREN: [shaking her head] This is a first for me.

JILL: [smiling] See, doctor? It's not just us. Everyone in this world is struggling without kids.

JACK: [nodding] Yeah, it's like we're all missing something.

DR. KAREN: [sighing] Well, it sounds like you all need to focus on what you do have, rather than what you don't have.

LUCY: [smiling] Yeah, we have each other.

TED: [nodding] And that's what really matters.

JILL: [smiling] You know what? You're right. We do have each other, and that's enough.

JACK: [nodding] Yeah, we can make it work.

DR. KAREN: [smiling] That's the spirit.

[The scene ends with everyone smiling and feeling optimistic about their relationships.]



INPUT: can you redo that for a standup comic to deliver while on stage



Sure, here's a possible version for a stand-up comic:

Title: No Kids, No Glue

[The comedian walks up to the stage and starts the performance]

Comedian: Hey, folks, what's up? So, I heard about this imaginary world where there are no children. Yeah, you heard me right. No mini versions of us running around, no messy bedrooms, no college tuition to worry about. Sounds like paradise, right? Well, not so fast.

[The comedian paces around the stage]

Comedian: Turns out, in this world, couples are struggling to keep their relationships intact. They're like two strangers living under the same roof. And why is that? Because they have no kids to glue them together. That's right, kids are the glue. Who knew?

[The audience laughs]

Comedian: I mean, I always thought that couples should have kids when they're ready, not when they need glue. Can you imagine using a baby as duct tape? [mimics holding a baby and pressing it on his chest] "Stick with me, babe, we got this!"

[The audience chuckles]

Comedian: But seriously, it's like these people forgot why they got together in the first place. They thought having kids would give them a shared purpose, but instead, they got a shared vacuum cleaner.

[The audience laughs]

Comedian: And it's not just the couples who are struggling. Even their friends are affected. They don't have kids either, so they're like a bunch of adults who never grew up. They still play video games and eat cereal for dinner. Wait, that sounds kinda awesome. Scratch that.

[The audience laughs]

Comedian: But you know what? Maybe this imaginary world is not so different from ours. I mean, we all have our own glue, right? Some couples bond over their pets, some over their hobbies, and some over their Netflix password.

[The audience laughs]

Comedian: So, let's not underestimate the power of our glue, whatever that may be. And let's not use our future kids as an excuse to avoid fixing what's broken in our relationships. Because, let's face it, parenting is hard enough without being used as a repair tool.

[The audience cheers and applauds]

Comedian: Thank you, guys! You've been a great audience. And remember, if you need glue, just go to the store. No need to make babies.






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